Noticing the Rainbow Amidst the Rain

Crew it has been a while since I have touched based with you. Trust me it has been an eventful couple of weeks for me as it has for all of you I’m sure. My oh my when we picked this month’s mantra of “FEARLESS” we surely didn’t know how fearless we would have to be.

I wanted to talk to you about the importance of a baby moon, but after an unplanned sequence of events this topic seems so much more fitting for the moment.

We were only briefly aware of the coronavirus. In our news networks the virus was unfortunately portrayed as a “China” problem and not a US/ world problem. Wow were we misinformed. I went into labor the morning of March 10th. My c section wasn’t scheduled until March 14th. The pain was completely unbearable. I spent as much time with my toddler that I could for a few reasons. One my faith wasn’t as strong as it should have been and in the event that it was the last time I was going to see her I wanted to make each second last. The other was I knew from false labor that the hospital just passed a rule saying anyone under 12 couldn’t come to labor and delivery which was a rule they just decided to enforce one week prior. It wasn’t until just now did I realize that they must have been aware of the virus to strictly enforce such a rule but to pass it off as just the flu? Well, that’s quite interesting.

Nevertheless, I went into the hospital and the screening process for COVID19 was underway for my husband and I. Well until the labor pain kicked in again, then I was whisked off to labor and delivery. They checked my cervix which was painful to say the least. I can have elbow in the birth canal taken off my bucket list for sure. They saw that it was still closed, contacted my doctor, and prepped the OR for surgery.

Away we go! As the anesthesiologist broke down her procedures and everyone asked if I was ok, all I could do as a person who tends to appreciate being in control is to let go of everything and realize in this moment I have absolutely no control. I sang Jesus Loves Me while holding my nurse’s hand as they pushed the numbing syringe in my spine and I completely let go. Moments later I heard a gurgling cry. I opened my eyes and saw I wasn’t dreaming he was here. Luc-Xavier Elie our Light of a New House has arrived. I enjoyed the moment as they allowed him to touch my face and for the first time in almost 9 months I was able to fully take him in. As they stitched me up I realized I am still here. I survived surgery. It is meant for me to be here. It is meant for me to contribute more work, and after that moment with my son I could not have been more thankful.

As we recover I hear of the chaos that is happening around the world and now on our soil. We are discharged and in less than a week we are put on lockdown. I look at my childrens faces and take in how blessed I am. We are here. We are together besides a preschool cold that my daughter shared with me upon arrival we are healthy. Luc continues to show me how much of a rainbow he is.

Oh how I miss his bigger brother and the baby that would’ve been, but though I miss them physically, spiritually I know they are here. Supporting us wiping tears and calming fears. We are gonna be alright.

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