This will be one of the hardest articles that I have ever had to write, so please bear with me. I just spent about an hour researching what other parents have said in my situation. I received little comfort in knowing that others are feeling the pain that my family and I are currently enduring. This is not something you would want even your worst enemy to experience. August 24, 2019 our son Xavier William Patterson would have been 18 years old. By this day he would have changed his name to Xavier Patterson Elie. Our Young Elie. I say our son because even though I entered his life when he was just 7 years of age, I mothered him, giving him every ounce of my being since before he hit puberty. There were a lot of trials and tribulations, but at the end of it all I recognized and accepted that he needed me and I stepped up to the call for his need. What I am unsure of is if he knew how much I needed him too.